Monday

Parenting Style

(Rich and Chelle Summer 05')


While having dinner it occured to me that my wife and I are nothing like our parents were. We have fun with our kids. We act silly at times and entertain a lot more of their conversations than our parents ever considered doing with us. In short, our parents were serious the majority of the time.

This got me to wondering if parenting style is a generational thing or do most people parent much like their parents did with them? Since I don't know the answer, maybe you can tell me.


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12 comments:

Sheletha said...

y'all cute.

c-mac said...

For me it's been a combination of both. In one sense I am old school on some of my funadmental beliefs, like talking back is something i wouldn't tolerate. I believe a child is still a child and that a certain amount of respect should be due. That is not just with me, but with any respectable grown up. I still say "sir" and "ma'am" not only to elders but also to strangers I know who may provide a service - even in a restaurant. That is not something I've emphasised to my children, but they see me do it.

I am also a stickler on homework too. Doing the best you can in school.

Now where I differ with my parents:

Like you said Rich I play with my kids, silly made up games etc. With my sons I play sports with them, something my father never did. I attend all of their sporting events and school activities, again something my parents never did. As a result of missing that, i have attended hundreds of sporting events, dance recitals etc. for other kids, even kids in the neighborhood or kids i meet at the Y.

Also where i differ with my parents, is that i do explain things to my children when its a good thing to do. My parents rarely if ever explained anything to me - "just do what i say!" was the order of the day. I teach them more and show them the benifit good decisions can have on their lives. I place myself on their level, and then try to show them a frame of reference on mine every now and then.

Overall I am probably a much more liberal parent than my parents were. I am big on teaching and only dictate when totally necessary. I find that my children knowing that i wasn't happy with them usually was punishment enough for them to want to make a change. Normally, my voice and way of speaking to them made them want my approval. So I've tried to take advantage of that in a good way. I train my children with an eye of seeing them as adults. So training training training is what i do. But i do most of my training as a teacher.

when they cross the line with attitude or buck up, then the hard core, old school, "oh you a man now?!!" parents that I had comes right out the box! I am pretty flexible - but even the few times I had to get like that, i'd act like a mad man but i always knew what i was doing, it was calculated - i was still teaching all along. I never took it personally, just a part of the process.

dc_speaks said...

i pick and choose my battles...with my parents, it was just a battle

CapCity said...

I agree with Sheletha - Rich u all are a handsome couple...awwwww;-). DC, that is too funny (though I'm sure it wasn't as a kid:-)!!

I'm not a parent, yet - but my teaching style was a mix of my parents' styles & like c-mac, a lot of my own. I didn't care what was happening in the classrooms around me, I let my students know: this is MY "house" & u will act accordingly! But most loved me & when there was indoor recess - my classroom was always full because I provided a loving, safe space. I like to think I'll do the same with my own, though I know it'll be different. But, I am SO glad I taught first - whew, sometimes I don't know how parents DO it! I was GLAD to go home to peace & quiet after a full day with those knuckleheads! LOL!

Shai said...

You do make a cute couple.

I have to say my parenting is different than the ones that raised me. I was raised by a single mom and my maternal grandparents.

I can say I am sillier than they are. I tend to get worked up quicker than them. I also talk to my daughter about things like sex and life that I was not told.

Caron said...

Parents mimics there parent's parenting skills, but fine tunes it to each child. Your mother may be soft and your father more militant or vice versa. If you have that balance you tend to stick with that consistency with your children. If both of your parents are hard, or both soft you will produce unbalanced individuals. And you will not make good choices with your child. Then you have to factor in that if two people are parenting the child, all the other parent’s parenting issues must be factored into this analogy. So I don't think it is so much generation as it is the factors of your parent’s values and beliefs. Bottom line you have to be raised in a home where there is open with communication and balance. To successfully raise a child you as a parent has to put aside the garbage that was shown to you and balance the parenting in your heart. Soft and Hard.

You must parent like your child is an egg. Not to soft and not to hard. You must parent gently until you feel that the goodness needs to come out. Then you must be hard to help the egg crack open and spread there wings. If both parents are too hard, to soon, the egg will crack too early and you will end up with a mess. If both parents are too soft than you will end up with a child that can never see past the parents and get eaten a live. As a parent the hardest part of parenting is to detect, when is the correct time to help your child crack out of there shell and spread there wings.

Mizrepresent said...

Nice picture! My parenting style pretty falls in line with much of what every has already said...mix of old school and new. I'm very close to my kids, i talk to them, not at them, and about everything. I am a fixture in their lives, i know their friends, their friends parents. But, most importantly i expect respect at all times, all adults deserve respect from a child, their will be no talking back, slamming doors, stumping up stairs, whatsoeva, school comes first, and don't even think about lying to me...that's it in a nutshell.

Shai said...

I have to say it is very rare to see a man actually show teeth when smiling. LOL. I just noticed that.

Girly_Girl said...

I am an out of control, crazy parent. I actually feel like my kids are the parents in our relationship. They're much more mature than I am.

Rich in the Stl said...

Shai, that makes me rare indeed, because that's the only way I know how to smile. Mouth closed just looks fake to me. My cheeks are too big for that.

Sheletha said...

my favorite nerd

KIKI said...

I basically agree with everything that's been said here. I think we as parents try to teach our children some of the basic fundamentals of life that were instilled in us by our parents (common curtosey, politeness, respect). But with changing times and the individuality of each child we take new & different approaches of dealing with our children instead of going by the strict "handbook" our parents followed.