Wednesday

Funny like that


There is something I'd like to admit out loud. I'm very territorial of my close friends and I don't like it when new people come along and seemingly wisk them away from me. I've experienced this in the past but just rolled with the punches and told myself to stop tripping it's no big deal. The end result was that my relationship with that person grew apart; to the point that we rarely kick it anymore. I guess we stopped making our friendship a priority and life ultimately got in the way, but we're still cool when we see each other, but it just doesn't have that feeling of satisfaction like it did in times past.

I haven't really thought much about that until recently when I noticed myself feeling this way again, like someone was impeding on my territory without my permission. Again, my immediate response was that I was tripping, because its not like I have control over who my friends kick it with. But the feeling left me with questions. I wanted to better understand this phenomenon. I've been wondering, is this some juvenile emotion taking place, or do other adults experience similar angst when their loved ones befriend another?

I'm putting myself out there, but inquiring minds want to know. Is it just me or do others encounter this same thing? Could this be God's way of pushing us into new seasons? You know the old addage, some friendships are for a season, some for a lifetime, yada yada yada. What do you think?



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12 comments:

Sheletha said...

you're just the alpha male that wants things his way. thats all. no harm.

go head, you know you wanna do it

stomp your left foot, cross your arms over your chest, and scream "they were MY friend FIRST"

Sheletha said...

TODAY IS LANCE'S BIRTHDAY, FO REAL THIS TIME.

dc_speaks said...

I have experienced that situation once too many times in my past.

I'd advise you to give it over to God. Real friends will never ever leave you, but if they are your friend then staying territorial may come across the wrong way and cause you to lose them forever.

I've done it...don't be your own worst enemy.

Girly_Girl said...

Hmmmm....

I think that whole 'my friend first' phenomenon is a boy thing. My husband is like that and so are my sons.

JustMeWriting said...

I'm with you Rich...I've felt that way as an adult, but I'm such a fab person they usually don't leave... LOL. SIKE, but seriously I agree with DC...REAL FRIENDS don't leave...in fact they want you to be apart of their 'new' friendship, but again, like Damon said...if you show that territorial resistance you'll cause problems.

Mizrepresent said...

You're just feeling left out Rich...keep in touch, remember that the friendship that you have with that person, is still a very important friendship, even with new friends. I make new friends all the time, but i still love and cherish my old friends, although we don't get to kick it like we used to bc of family, work, life...but it only takes one phone call for us to get back there in the thick of things, like not one day, one month or year has passed by since we last talked. Like i said, nothing wrong with feeling left out, but there is something you can do about it...jump back in, your friend is there, and when you do, you will be reassured once again, that it was all in your mind, and that your friendship is uniquely yours, no matter how many new friends get added.

Shai said...

If you have a strong friendship then no one can whisk the other away. Is there prob with sharing? Is it jealousy?

Yeah, we have seasons in our friendships and it feel awkward. It happens for reasons. Our needs change, so do theirs. We grow and go in opposite directions and our paths can intersect again. Or it is just time to move on.

CapCity said...

Hmmm... sharing friends - I do think that may require some "letting go" of the controls...which may be more of a challenge for men.
I tend to be the friend that is being "torn" between several people...it's a tricky dance to make sure everyone feels loved & not left out - not sure I'm always good at it - u'll have to ask my friends:-)

Lo said...

Your real friends---the people who truly love you---cannot be marked or territorialized. They are your friends because they want to be there, not because they've had a circle pissed around them. And even if they are just there for a season, we have to realize and appreciate the beauty of what they brought into our lives and made us want to mark them and make them our own.

Friends that are for more than a season are something altogether different. They may come and go in your life in cycles, but, in fact, they're always there. That's not just friendship, that's family. Those are the ties that bind, unless you go out of your way to wreck them. Just because someone new comes into the picture, that doesn't have to be the beginning of the end. Your friendship may shift into something different, but not necessarily something less significant or enriching. Roll with it. See what happens. The new friend your friend allows in may bring something wholly wonderful to the table that you just haven't noticed yet because your think the friendship is threatened. I'm guessing you choose friends with good taste. Assume that good taste extends beyond you.

Dave said...

This is my first time through, so I just need to say it now, I LOVE that video on the front page ^^

You know Rich, you are not alone in this feeling. I've been there too. On both sides of it. Sometimes, as people get to know each other, learn more about each other, we just grow apart.

Don't look at it like the new friend in their life is taking them away from you, because seriously, if they didn't already have this desire to drift away, they wouldn't. No one is too blame either. It's frustrating, yeah, for sure.

Another thing your post made me think about was how much we have within us to give. No one is a limitless source. Lets use our attention as an example. Say that my "attention" = 100% For every new person or activity that add into my day, my life, that 100% gets smaller, until there really is not a whole lot left. The more you got on your plate, the less you have to give everything else.

Ced.It/Meant.It said...

Rich, I give you big respect for opening yourself in such a huge way! I came from a family that seemed to extend daily--thanks to my mother's love for people and weird way of connecting to people even as she tried to find space (...and I got it from her!). I can't say that I've felt this way about friends, but I do understand that my friends become family to me. There is no concept of "family separation" in my family. There IS an understanding that people often need new experiences and the chance "to breathe other people's air" in order to maintain their sanity. I'll bet a grand that a closer examination of the friendships that drifted apart will reveal that something was lacking in the commitment to the "ones that got away." Who knows what was happening in your past friends' minds as the connection between you was lost?

Try something: contact them...and ask. You might resurrect a friendship.

Dawnya said...

I have also felt that way Rich. However, only when it comes to my very best friend. I initially dispise anyone who wants to be her friend. Even her family points out to new comers that I am her bestfriend. However, I have learned that no matter what or who comes into her life, I will always be there.

I am sure that if this person is truly your firned. The friendship will last through anyone...so don't sweat the small stuff. I'm sure the love is still there.