Monday

Communal Contradictions


I do a lot of thinking while driving. It's a time when I can just let my mind explore. Forget about the traffic, just let the CDs spin and I'm lost in my own thought process and sometimes brilliance happens. Other times I just come up with fodder for the masses; something to blog about. This would be one of those times.

While heading eastward on I-70, heck it could have been south on 170, I really don't remember, but I'm pretty sure I was listening to Common's new joint Finding Forever - which song? - well that's a blur too but it was probably Misunderstood (it is the joint). Anyway, I was driving and thinking, and the thought occurred to me how we contradict ourselves. For instance, I'm sure you have had an occasion where you have heard someone say "there is nothing out there", meaning be happy with who you have because there is nothing waiting out in the vast sea of traffic. Then on the other hand we often tell those unmated people we care about or whom we have come to endear that "there is someone out there for you". Sometimes for good measure we even give them the "God is perfecting you/them" speech so that they remain patient. So it got me to thinking. Either there is someone out there or there isn't, it can't be both or can it? Is the former just something we are told so that we endure each other and work things out or have we just bought into someone else's ideology? Can both dichotomies exist at once? Can there be nothing out there for mated individuals while the remaining pool of candidates exist only for those who are unmated? What if you lose your mate or it doesn't work out, is there no one else for you because you used up your mate allotment. Is every other candidate an illusion and the relationship is doomed to fail, since there is nothing out there? Hmm.

People are constantly seeking "the one", but my question is could there be more than one? What if in hindsight you realized that a former mate was "the one", but they are unavailable now. What do you do then? Settle? Just some food for thought, material for you to comment on. So get in where you fit in.

21 comments:

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

Tight pic, tight fedora, tight commentary. I need to be your deacon and pass a collection plate around folk......praises to the waise man known as rich

sheliag said...

Good food for thought. I do think there can be more than just "one" person out there for you. Whether your paths cross or not...well that's a different story :) I don't think you should settle because life is too short to be miserable and make someone else's lfe miserable because they are not who you "really" want to be with.

Lance said...

nice piece bruh rich...

kinda deep, but i feel ya.

well, MY answer is simple:
"there's someone for everyone"

question is "what is it that you want?"

a lotta people have in THEIR minds THEIR "soulmate", someone they've got conjured up in their head like a voodoo spell of that perfect main or woe-main. it doesn't work that way. never have. never will. unless you're that weak of a person and at the end of the day after you've even given your all or take all you can get from that person, human nature kicks in and you'll get bored and move on, by ending the relationship or cheating (havin' yo cake and eatin' it too)

i don't "really" believe in soulmates. most sisters, i've chatted with, do. but tell me this. you find that main. a regular wal-mart on two feet, got it all, but then he dies. then what? that's it? game over? God broke the mold with this cat????

it comes down to the basics. find a friend first, know that friend as much as you can. (ladies, throw a hint or two about marriage, kids, before you drop the draws, like "kids are okay, but i don't know?"...then see what he'll say) and even after knowing that "friend" and later living with him might be another drama behind closed doors. but hey, you wanted to wash your soulmate shitty draws. gotta love him!....lol

don't forget that "one" could be someone of another race too. so, are you willin' "dip" on the other side like sanaa lathan (grrrrr!!!!....just kidding boo) or are you gonna hang in there like a champ and stay lonely til ol' boy comes along....so he can probably bounce later? ;-P

Thic Flair said...

I have ALWAYS figured that there are more than just one possibility for your, whoever you meet and settle with is the one you are with. I have met people in other stages of life (mine or theirs) that could quite possibly be the one, the timing was off, so we wnt down different paths. You can't sweat the ones that get away, live in the what ifs, and miss the right now.

Girly_Girl said...

I have never believed in the whole soulmate thing. I think there are hundreds of people who could be "the one." It all depends on the time and place.

Mizrepresent said...

I believe there is THE ONE, for each stage of your life or new beginning...so say you're in a marriage, it doesn't work out, but for those years, that was THE ONE, now there is ANOTHER...i believe we are here to continually grow and experience all that life has to offer and to offer ourselves to that change, sometimes, mosttimes God has intended that we need a mate to really ascend. He didn't make both of us, woman and man for nothing. He could have made just a world full of men, or a world full of women, there is a reason we co-exist, and so i know that there is THE ONE for my next step in life.

Mega Rich said...

I'm not sure if I totally agree with you Miz, you make it sound like marriages are disposable. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say I'm over analyzing your words. Won't be the first time.

I will say that we can't buy into the thinking that there is no one out there for one set of persons but then turn around and tell this second set that God has someone for them.

My overall goal is to cause us to think about the messages we buy into.

lea78 said...

I believe there is someone out there for each and everyone of us. sometimes we miss that "one" because we are hung up on to many of the wrong things when choosing a mate. Who knows if I have missed the special one because I was passing time with someone else's "one". If you were driving down jacked up ass 170 you would not had time to think at all, you must have been on 70 :)

MysTery said...

This is a really good post. I do believe there is 'THE ONE' for everyone. Just depends on who/what you make that person be. You may miss them running after someone else...

Don said...

Deep post, as usual.

Um, I think there is such a thing as a certain type of person being the one for another type of person. I wouldn't say that "what if that someone has passed" because that means he/she wasn't the one.

I think we offer words of encouragement, sometimes not really giving as much thought to it as you did in your post.

Can both dichotomies exist at once?I would like to know myself.

Mizrepresent said...

Rich stop over analyzing.Here i'll break it down.

-no i never meant that marriage is disposal, but in some cases they do end... and life goes on.

Lance said...

i proposed that all marriages should have a "seven year contract" (as in the seven year itch rule of thought)
after seven years, if the shit ain't working out and both parties are ready to kill each other, the contract will allow one to be freer than a runaway slave!

but woe unto that man that has to pay alimony and/or child support. like b.b. king once sang "it cheaper to keep her"

Ticia said...

Good post...

I had the "ONE" but I was too scared to let him know how much I loved him..... I have never been goog with sharing my emotions...

Now, he is married..to the ugliest woman in the world.. LOL, no seriously---

But I will always love him.... he showed me a lot about life...and other things.. we had a lot of fun.. I wouldn't change it for the world---

I believe that another "one" will be coming soon---

Girly_Girl said...

Dave just said "it's cheaper to keep her" last week!!!

KIKI said...

"What if in hindsight you realized that a former mate was "the one", but they are unavailable now. What do you do then?"

Slap her ass & take my man back! ROFLMAO!!! No?...Oh...Ok, if you say so!

Seriously, I think there can be more than one true love. I agree with Miz (and don't be jumpin all over me...no marriages are not disposable). But for example, for whatever reason, your mate passes away. Sure, you'll grieve & mourn losing "the love of your life" and it may take time to get over it. But then you meet someone who puts a smile on your face that hasn't been there in a very long time; and while there's a part of you that feels like you're betraying your dearly departed, you also can't help but realize that there is someone else you can be happy with. And why spend your days alone and miserable, when you have another chance at happiness?!

CapCity said...

awww hayl...u know i got to make time to chime in on this one:-)...i do believe in soul mates...and my greedy azz also believes in many mates. lol! i think i've had several soul mates that i didn't appreciate, now God is "airing" my azz out in "time out".

and uh, lance, i select "lonely 'til soul mate of Color comes my way" for a million please;-)

The Master (De)bater said...

DC covered my thoughts pretty well (Man, better check your DNA! America's a small place! You COULD be family!). Cool topic, Rich!

Blu Jewel said...

Definitely a thought provoker...

As someone who experienced "The One", but later realized he lacked the fortitude to actually be as proactive as he could/should have been, I was forced to moved on. While there may not be anyone else who could make me feel the way he did, doesn't mean there isn't someone else who could bring to the table other things that will make him/me/us special.

There is someone for each of us as long as we know what we're looking for.

Literary Felonies said...

Rich, you constantly amaze me, constantly delving into the provocative. To me, you're like Bloggers' Central, babe! Do it!

Ok, so I'll play. Here's my opinion:

First off, people say all kinds of things to inspire, encourage, cajole, even manipulate other folk to action that have no substantive foundation. For the marrieds, words of wisdom can be found couched in dissuasive terminology: "there's nothing out there," TRANSLATION: don't even think of cheating, nor leaving. To the singles it's, "you'll find someone" OR "there's someone out there special for you." Oh, and my Christian favorite, "What GOD has for you IS for you." TRANSLATION: We don't know if you'll ever meet someone, but we just want you to stop belly aching in our ear about it."

As to the "one", I wish I knew. Many moons ago I believed in soul mates until mine up and married someone else. Sure, I was left with more than a sour taste in my mouth, I was repeatedly crushed, and as a result, the soulmate thang for me became a myth (yes, I know, I know, I say that now, but wait 'til I meet someone, right?).

I dunno Rich. Perhaps our lives are stairstepped and we're to connect with a select group of people during a select phase of time to help us elevate. Maybe it's a timing thang, that you're to be with no one or only one - person in a certain season, for a certain time. Maybe it's that some are slated for mates and others are not. I'll say this much, I believe, like Shakespeare, that one has to KNOW THYSELF. In knowing, acknowleging and accepting, being sure to adhere self truths. While I don't promote selfishness, nor self-centeredness, and I think the lastest buzz on "U DO U" is reaching ridiculous proportions, I do, however, believe that you should live true to your heart, pursuing and committing to those people, places, things that make you better.

Here's to everyone finding what they're looking for!

Golden Goddess said...

Nicely put and the position I'm in I will say there's nothing out there, but I'm going to believe that God has the last say when it comes to my mate finding me. The bible says "He that finds a wife finds a good thing". Too many times, I found boys and thought they were men. But guess what? Each time, first love, exhusband, baby daddy, and some young pimp, I was scorched. As a matter of fact God is just now removing the stinch that comes along with being burned to perfect this SWEET AROMATIC GODDESS.

Golden Goddess said...

Nicely put and the position I'm in I will say there's nothing out there, but I'm going to believe that God has the last say when it comes to my mate finding me. The bible says "He that finds a wife finds a good thing". Too many times, I found boys and thought they were men. But guess what? Each time, first love, exhusband, baby daddy, and some young pimp, I was scorched. As a matter of fact God is just now removing the stinch that comes along with being burned to perfect this SWEET AROMATIC GODDESS.