Fade To Black

I've been playing around with several ideas for posts and I just decided, I'd do them all in one. The interesting thing is that they happen to be connected. Funny how that happens.

What's wrong with you

Are you lonely? Are you afraid? Are you looking for acceptance? Are you looking for fame? Are you looking to mend a broken heart? What's your deal? What are you here for? That's what I found myself asking me one day about me and you. I looked around and realized that I wasn't really like anyone else around here. Maybe that was the point. Maybe that is how it was supposed to be. But the problem with that was that I saw the circles everyone else was running in, and I wanted to be down, won't even lie, but I didn't see where I fit in. Then it hit me. I was never meant to fit in. I've been trying to do it my whole life. Trying to be a part of something. Trying to get accepted, and it never happens, eventually being me gets in the way. At the end of the day, I can never ride with the BS. Don't get me wrong, I've done my dirt, definitely my fair share, if doing dirt is fair, but I don't have the conscious for living whack. Blame it on the way I was raised. So again, I had to ask myself what was wrong with me. Why was I trying to be down when I should have been innovating? Innovators don't follow what's cool, they create what's cool. I'm not saying that like I got the big head or something. I'm just saying I finally realized that I need to take my place -- stop trying to be (apart of) and just BE (who I am).

So what about you, what's wrong with you? Cause as much as you are having fun, you are working through your stuff as well. The answers are there, but can you accept them?

Next topic

Last Post

I've been thinking a lot about what my last blog post would be like. I guess you can say after 17 months I've run the gamut and gotten a little tired/bored with the process. I've created a lot of material in these pages, over 300 posts, not to count what I did over here (another PUSH to be me). So, it's time for a new challenge. Time to create something unforgettable.

Blog Rapture

We appear out of nowhere and just like that we leave, but blogs are a record of our online existence. What will people remember about you when you are snatched out of the blogosphere. When it's your time to give up the ghost, what will they find in your pages? Will it be an accurate depiction? Will it be unflattering? Will you really give a shhhhhhhh.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's time to fade to black. Time to change the game.

About the host:
Rich Fitzgerald is the author of the short story "One to Remember" featured in Love and Redemption (Bloggers' Delight Vol. 1), a collection of short stories by authors who blog. To read excerpts or to order a copy of the title, visit i-Lit. The book is also available on Amazon.


Eb the Celeb said...

This aint going to be as heartfelt as when I read it this morning and couldnt comment...but here goes anyway:

I think we all ask ourselves those questions on a constant basis. Even if we are in a relationship, we can still be lonely. I think its part of everyone living life to try and figure out what their true purpose is.

I also feel the last section...

I hope they feel when I leave the blogosphere (if I ever leave) that I was a young ambitious woman, that tried to figure out life's simple mysteries without losing herself in the process. So many people start on a journey and dont have fun along the way. I hope they see that I love life, and try to make the best of the life God has given me. i hope I leave with them that I was a crazy girl that they couldn't figure out because of all my dimensions. I think the time when someone figures me out completely, is when I will stop blogging. Until then... it will forever be therapy for me and a public diary for me to figure the crazy thoughts floating threw my head out.

Mizrepresent said...

First of all, i love this post, so very original, and so very you. I know for sure i have went thru phases where i wanted to be in the "in crowd", wanted everyone to "like me", but i know now, just like i learned in High School, college, and the workplace, that just ain't gonna happen. I have stood alone, more times than i can count, and relished in the fact, that at the end of the day, i was me, and you know what, i can live with that...what i can't live with is pretending to be, somebody i'm not. I go from caring what others think, to not giving a damn...and that's alright with me too! What do i want folks to remember, that i was real, even if they think i'm fake, lol...that i bore my heart and soul, that i shared without regret, that i hustled to make my dreams come true, that i am a true romantic and constantly long for a love that's true, that i love writing and reading, and it is my saviour during my worst bouts of depression, that i'm not perfect, but i'm trying to be, but not for human eyes, but for God's eyes. Don't know what my last post will be before i fade to dark, but i'm hoping, no, professing, that i will be telling all, that i did indeed make it to that mountaintop!

Anonymous said...

Man, don't WE have a lot in common! Answers to some of those same questions have resulted in me just doing my li'l spiritual poetry thing and not trying to be the Slauses, Dons, Nikkis and [insert name here] of the blogosphere.

The battle between the desire to be popular and the desire to be left alone can be consuming. I've found that eventually, one settles. Where, is up to the individual.

Innovation? Duets. Unique? Maybe, maybe not. But as it is in my neighborhood, I have an address. It doesn't have as many cars parked out front on the weeked as some, may not have brick on all four sides, may not have landscape lighting nor a pool in the back, but my name is on the deed and I like it just fine.

When I move, some will remember I lived there for as long as they remain in the neighborhood. Some relationships will be maintained. But when I move, I'll move up [doing my George Jefferson], hopefully to a heavenly addy, for all of this will pass away...

Very thought provoking my brother.

Anonymous said...

I hid from blogland for a couple of weeks - I almost deleted my page, and I understand.

I stopped in to scream: "I got the book!!!!!" ( finally delivered)

Shai said...

Rich, I think you should still keep the blog. It gives you exposure and also practice writing. If not for blogging, you would never have gotten the Blogger's Delight going.

Take breaks but please don't stop blogging.

CapCity said...

I like the way Saadia's cover looks on your Black Blog.

Not that u asked for advice - but this seemed appropriate:
As my Daddy has often quoted this piece of poem to me:
"When things go wrong as they sometimes will. When the rode
Your trudging seems all up-hill. When the fund$ are low and
The debts are high. When you want smile, but have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but
Don’t quit!!"

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

i was wondering why i couldnt comment, and thats interesting, i wonder what they will say, i guess our words and content reflect who we were when we are gone

Don said...

Have to say the dark background gives more of a dramatic feel.

I feel your post. I call it playing the game. I think that's the best way to put it. We either play the game or allow the game to play us. On every level it appears to be this way. Well, on the levels I have stood. My levels may not be as high as yours.

One day I started to worry about some of the stuff I have written so I thought it was in my best interest to delete alot of earlier post, and pics. Paranoid, probably but wise. Other stuff I've guessed it. I won't give a ish.

Truth be told, I attempt an audience in pursuit of a future goal. There are days where I am sick to my stomach of (not necessarily blogging itself) but certain bloggers. The fakeness. The ummm whats the word i'm looking for here; the audacity. You feel me?

This is where I realize(d) how the game doesn't change. The game definitely doesn't change. It's all the same. But I'm strong and the love for the writing process itself overrides everything. So I maintain, and keep it movin' until I get to where I know I'm headed.

Good post, Rich.

Don said...

If you ask me, I think the fact that you have experienced most of what is still relatively new to most, leaves you in a (mental) position where you either stand to go backwards or elevate your consciousness. I think with your will both change the game, in an innovative way.

I saw myself getting "boxed" inside a certain circle which, it appeared, dictated me. So instead of trying to fit in, I simply took two steps back, and decided to not stand on the block but corner the market, if you will. That ways...I was no longer the middle man. It had to come through me.

Had it going on until my time came. LOL. Okay, okay, I digress.

Be easy.

Lovebabz said...

This bittersweet for me, because we are working on projects together. But I would not have found you or any of the other Sister/Brother bloggers for that matter--if it weren't for this medium. I never heard of blogging until I entered the neighborhood--Thanks Sojourner G, I liked that label for the blogsphere. So it is a bit unsettling to me why you would give it up. But I understand.

You have caused me to think about when I move on. Maybe it is too early to think about it, I've not been on the block a year yet. I do know something about cultivating other interests. Perhaps you don't turn off the lights yet, maybe you just rearrange the furniture a bit and think of "The Rich House" as a place that folks can come and check your brand of story-telling---you know like Cheers was to Boston (ficticious TV program), a place where everbody knows your name and their always glad you came.

I started blogging because it was a way to release a great deal of pain. Pain that I might add is slowly falling away because of the connections of caring Sister/Brother bloggers who I did not know existed 9 months or so ago! I am not interested in beng the Belle of the Ball, I just want to connect and be connected to. I have fallen in love and out of love with folks here in the blogsphere and that is good. So my friend you have a place here and a community of folks who are RICHER because you blogged.

Take a sabbatical, and hopefully the pull of all our hearts in concert will lull you back to us.

Ticia said...

I understand Rich...

Don't fade to Black.. how abt dark grey-- LOL---

Peace brother :)

MysTery said...

Don't leave man!!!