Monday

A new form of extinction?


The plight of single black women has received widespread attention in recent years - cover stories in Essence and Newsweek magazines and countless newspaper articles. This year, the movie Something New even opened up the possibility of dating outside the race since some 42.4% of black women might never marry because of the dearth of marriageable black men. Nationally, there are 10 single black women for every seven single black men. The picture looks worse if you subtract those who are incarcerated and unemployed.

But the obsession with the black female marriage problem has overshadowed an equally daunting fact: Many black marriages don't survive.

I can't say I agree with this conclusion since most of the married couples I know are making their relationships work. Maybe my view is based on anedoctal statictics. I can't say for sure, but I would hope our relationships as a whole are loving and lasting, but what do you all think? Are black marriages working as well as in the past? If not, why do you think that is? Share your stories, share your pain, let's learn together.

Another good conversation that I took part in surrounding a byproduct of this topic happened on one of our fellow blogger's site. Check out Dawnya's post on Why Do We Cheat.


Single Black Women, Count your blessings: USA Today Article
Shades of Love: The Black Relationship Magazine

Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

23 comments:

California Dove said...

Wow. I would have to agree that black marriages are not lasting as long as those in previous generations. My grandmother's society upheld their marriage vows, and would never remarry if the spouse died.

The "Good Times" marriages where the man is a hard-working and family loving brother. He remained without question.

Today, divorce is too easy for both husband and wife. Key is open communication, even if it means disagreeing. I think more marriages would survive the cancer called divorce if they only 'talk it out'.

My parents have been divorced and remarried, then separated-move back in, its so mixed up. I try not to use them as a model.

I believe my marriage is loving and will last.....until Morris Chestnut shows up.....on the real, if two people really want something to work then it will. I have been married seventeen yrs,we are in love each other. Have a teenage children, and we are looking down the road to retirement.
Sometimes I want out, but then reality sets in: kids, finance, relationship...meeting someone new..AIDS or someother weird STD.

"..till death do us part"

Sheletha said...

black people get married???

Lance said...

cali dove kinda hit the head of nail on that one....but whaddya gon' do?

...to each his/her own, i guess.

Lance said...

ahhhh, it's monday morning....can't think straight, typin' on the blog,

need coffee...
pancakes...
cheese eggs...
PORK bakun.

brb...hey lee-lee: black people get married???? yeah, i know...it's an abomination!!!!

Sheletha said...

my funny bone kicked in pretty early today...that was meant to be a jokey joke.

my parents have been married for a bout 47 years now. I think its beautiful. I can see how loyaty and those vows really manifest in life not just in the books that I read. I know that my mother isn't living out her golden years the way she envisioned with my daddy but she still sticks it out, at least until she can do no more. thats cool, thats love.

Lance said...

i took it as a joke sheletha....good to see your parents still in there at 47 years. my parent's 44th anniversary will be on Christmas Eve.

i guess the adage goes...
"they just don't make 'em like they used to"....lol

Girly_Girl said...

Lance and Sheletha,
I think it is such a testament to commitment that both of your parents have been together for so long.

My parents will be celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary this summer. Like Lance says "they just don't make 'em like they used to.."

Dave and I have been married for 12 years and while no couple is immune to infidelity, I think that our resolution to stay within a truthful relationship trumps all.

Lance said...

"to thine own self be true"
- Shakesphere

Girly_Girl said...

Where's anonymous?

I'm waiting...

Dawnya said...

Congrats to all those who have or are celebrating forever love.

I agree with California Dove...communication is the key to having a good marriage. If you can not communicate honest and openly with your partner you are in a losing battle.

Another reason that our marriages are not as strong as those of our parents or grandparents is that we share to much of our personal business with our "friends and family." Back in the day you did not here your parents on the phone with their girls talking about how Jimmy didn't come home last night.

Couples today need to remember that what goes on in your house needs to stay in your house.

Lance said...

"Another reason that our marriages are not as strong as those of our parents or grandparents is that we share to much of our personal business with our "friends and family." Back in the day you did not here your parents on the phone with their girls talking about how Jimmy didn't come home last night." - Dawnya

i'm going to have to agree to disagree to a "degree" with dawnya on that one...for one, back in the day, you probably were too young to understand what was up and usually, if the family did talk, you were excluded from the conversation.

infidelity is as old as time itself, even in the Bible. i will say this, black women today just don't put up with the shit black men bring to the house now. gotta admit, sistas are holding their own with or without kids, independent and on the hustle.

also, divorce was hard to get by the courts, expensive and time consuming and if you had kids the issue of child support/welfare was definitely in doubt. but today, getting a divorce is about as easy and cheep as going thru a drive-thru in all 50 states and good ol' prez. clinton helped "downgrade" alimony into "child support" in which the gub'ment will reach into your pocket and shut you down.

in the past, sistas were sometimes relegated to that domestic housewife status like the t.v. show "good times" and subject to a certain amount of submissiveness as their mothers and grandmothers were before them in standing by your man, head of the household in Bibical terms.

but today...sheeeeeeet.

*hold up, dawnya...didn't you marry a white guy...so, whose more extinct us or y'all?...lol*

much love...lance (;-*

Rich in the Stl said...

Interracial marriage, now there's a topic for discussion.

Lance said...

yeah rich, i guess it's time for "something new".....

Girly_Girl said...

Here we go...

Lance said...

it's all good g_g...no hatin'..
...well, just a lil bit.

hahahahaha!!!! ;-P

*all for shits & giggles*

now, that you mention it rich & saadia, hell, what's stopping me from gettin' a white woman?

(:-O <====DOH!!!! (lance)

Girly_Girl said...

Lance,
What about Jamie??

Lance said...

naaah, too white....lol

if you wanna make yer ol' school black mama healthy when they are ill fellas, bring a white woman to the house...

they'll be like what da fuck?!!!! and find, strength like in a can of red bull to kick you dead in the ass!!!!

hahahahahaha!!!!

Sheletha said...

LANCE!!!

Dawnya said...

Lance u are hilarious!

dertyred said...

i have to agree with california and lance...back in the day our parents stayed together because it was the thing that they did. the husband could stay out all night, beat you down, have an affair, the wife just looked the other way. now days the women are doing just as much as the man. i'm on marriage #2, the first ended after 10 long years, this one is 7yrs and counting. there isn't anything out there, i'm staying and hoping and praying that we last til death do us part.

Rich in the Stl said...

Lance, that was funny as heck.

Rich in the Stl said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Lance said...

***hang in there dertyred...that seven-year itch is a mutha!!!!***