Double minded?

Today I'm going to attempt to stir up the pot once more by challenging your thinking on an issue that I have thought about on some level.

Suffice it to say that most people whether single or married have pretty healthy sex lives. If you are getting some, then that counts, for the sake of this post. I can also assume that the majority of those that COMMENT are of the Christian faith, just based on the previous discussions we've had.

I know you feel the hook coming. Here goes.

Why do most people feel that it is acceptable to have sex when they are single, yet that same person can be opposed to adultery? Biblically speaking sin is sin. One is no better/worse than the other. Yet, lax attitudes prevail regarding pre-marital sex (fornication in the bible) and stringent attitudes reign about sex after marriage (adultery). Why is that? It couldn't be about the wedding vows, because there is an implied vow that you are going to live holy when you decide to become Christians. If that was not the case, people wouldn't approach getting saved with that familiar response of "I'm not ready yet", meaning I'm not ready to stop doing my thing.

I know I'm coming at you from a few angles, but I just figured we needed something controversial to discuss today.

Whatever thoughts you'd like to share on the subject are fine by me, but don't tell me you don't have an opinion, because I know better.

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Girly_Girl said...

Oh, my God

Rich in the Stl said...

Yeah, you know I had to get to this eventually.

Sheletha said...

Sonic really is "the ultimate drink stop"

Rich in the Stl said...

Stay on the subject Sheletha, don't avoid. Let me hear your voice.

c-mac said...

i believe there are many factors.

First off - everyone does not share the same set of moral ethics that their churches teach. Keep in mind that the etchics chart varies even from church sect to church sect. some churches i know believe it's a sin to see an R rated movie, or even PG-13. (this with no knowledge of the stupidity of the MPAA and it's rating system - they are perfectly comfortable with letting that outfit rate for them) some feel that a woman wearing a pair of jeans is a sin. i dated a woman who to this day keeps a skirt in her trunk at all times just in case she came around her pants hating mom. now mind you this is a pretty moral sister as "christian ethics" go. but somehow she just doesn't believe those jeans or slacks are going to make her a reservation at the hell inn.

second - people have always taken some freedom to interpret what is right for them. most rarely if ever have seen this so called sinless lifestyle lived to the fullest in those that advocate it. the preacher or church goer who "says" they don't fornicate may display a large amount of pride. they may exalt themselves above others. they may be into the bling bling and take advantage of others in the name of spirituality. that can sort of spoil it for the regular joe trying to figure his way through.

third - i think that people have managed to define their own sense of morality. it's easy to hear someone preach about sex, but not about cheating on taxes, overeating, greed, apathy towards the poor or any of the other things jesus discussed. i think inside joe or jane christian sees compromise in various areas all over the place. and so they may not feel the need to buy into someone else's theory of the so called "BIG" sin deal breakers.

fourth - even the bible can be ambiguous in the matter. i mean in todays society to have more than one wife is considered immoral and unlawful. And yet Solomon had what 700 wives and several hundred concubines (booty call sex partners) and guess what? according to the scriptures, god said nothing about it. he did warn solomon about marrying outside his faith scope. but that was pretty much it. the fall of solomon wasn't about the women from the bible's perspective - it was his heart turning away from jehovah and on towards pagan gods that his women served. as long as he worshipped correctly, he could have all the "cat" he wanted. same thing for david, he was disciplined for taking another man's wife, not for having several of his own. - when abraham went into haggar, did god get angry? nope! he just said I will bless ishmael but the promise i gave you is coming through issaic. so what's up with that?

i think deep down inside we know there are some issues with the way morality is taught in this country. we have more rapes and other sexual crimes than other like developed countries who are not dominated with an over saturation of conservative thinking with faces firmly planted in sand - pornography is a multi billion dollar industry - and it just ain't folk from the north buyin those tapess and dvd's either. the bible belt is in full effect. sex stores and as popular as ever. and yet still even from a culturally point of view - even biblically speaking a man can get his groove on all he wants and it's not as bad as if a woman does it. the bible in that sense - written and approved - cannonized by men - for men - has some questions that must be answered. and not just to stop there, even elijah muhammad was hitting the young girls in his sect. ("i have to plant my seed malcolm!") and the last time i saw it, his books were still selling, and the organization is strong. joseph smith certainly believed in poligamy in creating mormanism - but notice all MEN run these organizations - and it's him that gets all the cat. please fine me the religion where a woman can keep 3 or 4 husbands around.

so i think to a large degree - there is no consistancy, again we say one thing, from a certain perspective - but in one sense we flaunt sexuality and worship it in our music, videos, etc. and yet we shun from it on sunday mornings. we have yet to consistantly have intelligent and spiritual conversations about sex and our bodies. as a result we have all sort of things going on - and as long as we view sex ONLY through a moral lense that has rose colors, we will continue in this place. i didn't even get to the whole homosexual argument - and the large homosexual community within the church from leadership all the way down.

the sad thing is as a result - we have to define for ourselves and many times we are getting it wrong. lives are being ruined as a result of a lack of true critical thinking and understanding, sharing from the old to the young.

we have too many sexual hang - ups as a result of all of the hypocracy and closet dwelling lifestyles and theories. so don't hate the playa - hate the game and the way it's making disciples everyday.

of course there is more - but if most of ya'll are working like me -you don't want to hear me preach.

Sheletha said...

dang mackalicious!!!!

Rich in the Stl said...

I told ya'll C-mac could bring it. He's just been hiding in the shadows.

Mizrepresent said...

Whew! Well CMAC said it all for me...yep, i was thinking the same thing, the whole time, and i was trying to get in, and darn, he beat me to it! BTW if i had to have 3-4 husbands, i would need 6 wives to take care of them. (lol)

dc_speaks said...

well seeing as how I came up on this the day after and reading what C-Mac wrote. In order for me to really comment I would have to expose a lil more of Ill just do a wee smidgen of putting myself out there!

Let me first say that I am a Christian..I accepted Jesus as my personal saviour at age 29. I couldn't care less about fornicating as a matter of fact, I was taught the more(tang)you get the more it makes you a man.

I actually had a girlfriend at the time(Salvation day for me) and the day I came home and called her on the phone, I told her that I felt bad about "blowing her back out" the night before. I went on to say that I experienced a sense of shame that I never felt before. I can't have sex with her anymore, since she wasn't a Christian that didn't go over well, the relationship ended horribly and i had to file a police report it got so bad. No lie!!

Here's a tidbit for you though, I was married at age 23 and never committed adultery..faithful til the marriage was over.

before 23 and after 26(2 yrs separated) it was on and popping. Sin is certainly sin in the eyes of God so I agree with you, Rich. Yet, we can't overlook the fact that adultery(biblically speaking)is still happening after divorce since that doesnt break the covenant of "til death do us part". So until my ex wife dies, i'm still in the hot seat with God.

The sex after marriage thing is probably scorned and judged harsher because supposedly it has the "forbidden fruit" mindset and the excitement that goes along with coveting your neighbor's spouse.

Straight up, I know both women and men that seek after unhappy homes just because they can have no strings sex. If you go in the clubs, you can look at the haterism taking place when a woman sees a man with another woman and flirts with him on purpose. Like wise with men, if they see a dude with a woman and he goes to the bathroom, some ni99a's actually have the audacity to holla at the left alone target!

But getting back to the church, the same people have the same thoughts..still have undercover haters. Yet now after marriage, a family can be wrecked, churches get torn apart and scandals arise when it is adultery...if both parties are single, then perhaps being"sat down" or inablility to be a leader in a church ministry until a certain time frame has passed may be the punishment. The "double mind" as you alluded to is in effect

I believe that a warped sense of comparing sins has infiltrated our minds and the reality of it all being equal has been lost in sensationalism and false teachings.
Great post, Rich!

Im down off my soap box! Next!!! LOL

dc_speaks said...

oh and mizrepresent...u have 2-1 specials....hahahahaha

I must be in the wrong place!

Girly_Girl said...


You people talk a lot.

My lips are sealed.

Rich in the Stl said...

Stop hiding Girly Girl, we see you anyway. You might as well share.

Girly_Girl said...

I don't have anything to "share." C-Mac and DC said it all!

Sheletha said...

I was trying not to comment, but rich called me out. So here goes. I know you all wont agree...but this isn't the only opinion.

There is no reason to Philoso-lie about sin. The difference is how you handle it. Repent and yeild to the temptation.

dc_speaks said...

lol@Sheletha and Saadia....I do not talk alot..I was typing...thank you very much!

Lance said...

i'm just layin' back up in da cut wif a bowl of ice cream on dis one y'all...(;-x

...hey c-mac and d.c., y'all got copyrights on dem books y'all just wrote???

dc_speaks said... i don't lance..thanks for reminding me though!!

I gotta move quick on that

c-mac said...

yea lance, everything can't be "can you cook, can you bone, and can you leave me alone." lol! some things require just a bit more thought. :-)

dc_speaks said... true!

the man with balls said...

if u ask me, bangin' is bangin'

California Dove said...

Wow. This is heavy. I will sit this one out, only because C-Mac done said it all. LOL
...and Sonic is "the ultimate drink stop"

Sheletha said...

Gurrrl, I tried to avoid but Rich-alicious wasn't having it.

I had just finished a a Strawberry Smoothie for breakfast.

CapCity said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
CapCity said...

Wow! Y'all are getting DEEP up in heah! I know I'm new to this blog, but I am glad to have 'discovered' you all:-).

That said, I didn't really notice any of the females expounding on the topic, so I will offer my two cents (though it won't compare to the lengths nor depths of Cmac or DC Speaks;-). As did DC Speaks, I'm personalizing this topic. I've never been married & I'm over 30;-). The Bible was written at a time when most were married soon after the menses of the female began because she was a "woman" able to bear children.

My hell-raising mama tried to raise her hard-headed girls to know and respect Our Savior. My daddy, while raised Baptist, taught us to question EVERYthing. Just because it's written in the Bible (which was written by Human = fallible hands) and then moralized in various houses of worship does not mean we should leave our common sense "at the door". I am Baptist who loves The Creator and continue to struggle with various aspects of the Bible. But, if I understand it correctly the Bible is a GUIDE and itself was/is a work in progress. I have the utmost respect for the oldest and longest published book, but must also live and make some decisions without "blaming" or giving the full moral responsibility to a Book written by Humans. It's like "blaming" maps for my inability to find my way to a destination that may or may not be on that version of the map.

For me - I am faithful in relationships "simply" because that's what feels right to ME. It's too much work emotionally as well as physically for me to interact intimately with multiple Brothers. Also I think The Creator gives us the emotion jealousy (along with the other host of emotions) for a reason - like a caution sign. I've known several people in cultures & religions where multiple spouses are accepted, and someone is always unhappy with that arrangement (be it the one of many spouses or the one of many offspring).

Rich in the Stl said...

Capcity, I dig those comments. On some level it's very hard for me to question the authenticity of the Bible because it has been such a mainstay in my life. If I question too much, I'll just be running wild, because the Word keeps me grounded.

CapCity said...

Rich, I don't mean that the authenticity of the Bible should be questioned. But I have to question the way that it is USED by humans of this day (& even in days past). I whole-heartedly agree that The Bible has been a rock for me. You have to admit, even without questioning the Bible there are many ways to interpret the scripture. Why is a pastor's or bishop's interpretation more valid than my own?

Rich in the Stl said...

That's a whole other blog post CAP CITY. Historically, people rely on the Pastor's word, because they are too lazy to go study the word for themselves AND/OR the interpretation suits them because it meets a need (ie. prosperity doctrine).

If the prosperity doctrine was true to their word, black folks would be the richest people on earth, because we give to the tunes on Millions each and every Sunday, but like I said, that's a whole other blog topic.

Dawnya said...

Of course I'm all late on the posting...because of my schedule. I accepted Christ into my life at 6...and I have been active and in the church ever since. However, I have gotten my swerve on on a very regular since I started putting out!! When I do wrong I ask for forgiveness and guideness. But I never make promises that I'm not going to do it again. The flesh is weak...and so am I...I'm going to do me. As long as you havea personal relationship with God he understands you and your needs. We should only be worried about what God thinks of us...not man.