Wednesday

No Future In Frontin'


Each week I roll through blogs and see men and women telling of their hardships in love. About how they can't find anyone to love them, about how good they are but no one is willing to take them up on their love journey. Well, I'd just like to say. Stop lying, cause ain't no future in frontin'.

I have come to the conclusion that there is a reason why you aren't in the relationship you want and that reason is YOU. Everyone tries to put on this face like they are something they aren't. They present the image that attracts but they don't have the substance to maintain it and then they are mad when things don't go their way. It doesn't go your way because you were frontin. Pretending, even if for a moment, to be something you aren't.

Back in the day when I was a true player in the game, I didn't front. I was straight up with mine. And guess what. Sometimes I got what I wanted and other times I didn't, but I always was upfront about what I wanted. I didn't front. If I wanted to just "have a little fun", I said so. If I was digging the chick more than that, I said so. The only time it got sticky was when either I or the other person got more than we bargained for. But the rule to remember in that case is to never try to change the rules in the middle of the game.

Anyway, I decided I'd help some of y'all out because y'all have me rolling when I read some of your stuff. There is no need for the innuendo, just keep it real. While you are working on doing that here are some things to remember.

1. You reap what you sow. If you've been playing everyone you meet, don't think that just because you finally got a clue that you automatically get to have the love of your life.

2. Just because you are "blessed and highly favored" in the genitalia department, doesn't mean people are going to be knocking your door down, so stop advertising. At best you will end up with someone who wants a good ride out of you and then they'll dip when someone with more substance comes along.

3. How you come in is how you stay in. Think - "You can't turn a ho into a housewife." - this works for both genders.

4. You want substance...then bring substance.

5. Everybody has a past. Don't trip off theirs and they won't have a reason to trip off yours.

6. Just because you say you love them during week one doesn't mean it has to be reciprocated. Who falls that easily anyway. Some of you need to look up the word infatuation. It will save you some heartache

7. Enough with the "honey" and "baby" right off the top, that doesn't make the exchange more real.

8. Slow your roll. Try getting to know the other person with your clothes on. It's way too easy to get sexually excited, so stop putting so much weight in that department.

9. Just because they "look" good, doesn't make them good for you.

10. Be the person you are looking for. Don't expect to find the perfect mate when you are tore up from the floor up.

11. You really aren't all that. Everything doesn't have to be all about you.

12. If you are a freak, do yourself a favor and find someone who is down for your freaky self. No need in you settling for Mr. or Ms. Uptight because they fit some image you are looking to fulfill. You are just setting yourself up to be miserable down the road. --- You can find this out through conversation that doesn't lead to sex.

13. Being selfish works against the whole premise of wanting to be in a relationship. The mere fact of it being a relationship requires that you give of yourself too.

14. No goals, No Go - no one is interested in going "nowhere" with you.

15. If sex is all you have to offer, you deserve to be by yourself. It's easy to get off without having to take on extra baggage.

16. Just because you think you two make a good couple doesn't mean the other person has to agree. If you have to convince them, it's destined to fail.

17. If you want to be lazy and not put your best foot forward, they have a right not to be interested. It shouldn't be a chore to look good for a potential or existing mate.

18. Stop lying to yourself when all signs say this person is no good for you. Being single isn't as bad as you make it out to be. Don't believe me, as someone who's married.

19. Confidence is attractive.

20. Desperation is a turn off.

I could go on, but I'm sure you all would like to chime in and add to this list. The biggest thing to remember is that the law of attraction is always in effect. You attract what you put forth, so if you aren't getting anything, chances are what you are putting forth is empty and full of self.

43 comments:

MysTery said...

Lol, good post.

Ebonne said...

Dang, so I'm the problem I'm single... Let me ponder on that for a minute!

Tha L said...

And let the people say AMEN. Great post. You are right on when you say you reap what you sow, and you attract what you put forth. 4shizzle!

SheliaG said...

I agree with every single point you made. Keep telling the truth.
People need to be honest with each other from the beginning. If you're not looking for an exclusive relationship; don't pretend to be. If you're just breaking up with someone, don't go jumping into another relationship. Give yourself some time to BREATHE.

GeckoGirl said...

Tell us how you really feel :-p Good post though. Now to just print this out and pass out copies at the club, Borders and everywhere else folks go hoping to meet someone.

Girly_Girl said...

Very nice, Rich. The absolute truth!

CapCity said...

I LOVEEEEE THIS! I think this needs to be cross blogged & posted all over the net, the walls, etc. As geckogirl said: pass it out in flyer form. LOL! I'm finally "getting it" and am actually looking forward to building w/ this new Brother {God Willing} (knucklehead that he is - but then i know i am, too;-)

Ticia said...

Dang Rich...

I hope you didn't go to my blog and make one of these solutions---

LOL--

I am understanding each day what I am doing wrong.. LOL---

Don said...

Definitely read me on a few. It's all good, I understand it takes both sunshine and rain in order to grow.

One sweet day.

Great post, Rich.

KimPossible said...

Rich...DUDE! You hit the the bulls eye with this one. You kept it all the way real and I love it. A lot of times we engage in relationships with A LOT of expectations and extra baggage. And as soon as the other party does not fulfill that expectation we think they owe us something. When really the other party told us up front what he/she wanted and didn't want and if they didn't. Their actions surely spoke.

Every relationship needs good communication "REAL TALK!" We put all of these demands on the other party when we ourselves don't have the substance to fulfill our end of the bargain. Like you said, a relationship is so much more than sex. Either party can get that any where. But at the end of the day what can you bring to this relationship?

Everybody on blogspot needs to read this one. Keep blogging because you bring truth!

KEEP IN TOUCH RICH!

Mega Rich said...

@ticia - no shuga, you never crossed my mind.

@don - bruh, I was going to do this post about a month or two ago, but when I saw them Magnum XL's, I must admit, you brought it back to my mind. But I dig your style. You take your kudos and your lumps like a man. Keep doing your thang. Inspiration comes from many sources.

@everybody -- I'm glad ya'll dig it. I'm actually pleasantly surprised at some of the comments.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

great, fantabulous, to bad we couldnt kick it main, but next time for sure

Mega Rich said...

@all-mi-t -- no doubt main, the next time we won't have to contend with a family holiday. I can let you run me through the streets of your booming metropolis.

lea78 said...

Hah! this was funny b/c sometimes we need to be reminded of our flaws, but Rich you being from the Lou like myself, you know there are a lot of big jokes in this town. Mine for one just doesn't want to grow the hell up, and I am sure it is my fault b/c I have allowed him to continue to run the streets like he is a child. But what the hell I have great sex and a great mind to offer. For some reason great sex stays on this great mind

LadyShay said...

11. You really aren't all that. Everything doesn't have to be all about you.

Umm, I beg your pardon:) LOL.

I want to be single, it's the other person that won't retract the claws. Even though I've told him time and time again, got thoughts on that!

Lovebabz said...

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I would hate to think the state of our love affairs are reduced to lists of do's and don'ts. Perhaps I am way too old to really comment. I, like Nikki Giovanni believes that "Black Love is Black Wealth" perhaps I am way too romantic for my own good...after all I am getting divorced after 12 years of marriage. So perhaps I am more afraid of this list than amused. Hhmm if only there was substance and less cute "rich-isms" or again maybe I am way too old school to related or have been out of the game longer than I care to think on. You are charming and entertaining and no doubt speak from a place of experience and hearsay. I rather like the energy.
Love,
Babz

KIKI said...

Dammmm...I don't come around for a minute & you talkin bout me behind my back (j/k)?

Seriously, reading this was like a roller coaster ride for me. First, I was shoutin "Preach, preach!!"

Then I was thinking like Ticia..."Did my blog help inspire this?" (and I dont know if I want to know the answer)

Then like Ladyshay...#11...it most certainly is!! And I think it slightly contradicts #19.

Bottom line I think there's at least one thing on this list that could apply to everyone. One of the reasons I've started my new blog is because, while I looove to laugh & have fun & talk shyt, I wanted to let folks know that there's alot goin on in my life that ain't nothin to laugh about...that I have lows too.

Nice post, Rich...Very nice...

(for real though...were you talkin about me? LOL)

Suite B said...

Oh shit...thank lea78 (I need to talk to you about that name) for informing me that this blogger is from the lou...I will watch what I say now.

Mega Rich: Can you do me a favor and print this out and put it on flyers (kind of like the ones that are on your club when you love a trashy club or church) so that everybody St. Louis can get they game up.

Amn.eris said...

I am here via CapCity. I just want to give you a standing ovation for this post!! This is FABULOUS.

Mega Rich said...

#19. Confidence is attractive -- some people are always second guessing themselves in the relationship - does he like me, does she like me, am I too fat, am I too skinny, does he/she like light skinned woman/men more than me, and on and on. Stop tripping. Learn to enjoy the time you have together. All that other stuff is a distraction that is mean to steal your joy. Be confident in who you are.

Shai said...

10. Be the person you are looking for. Don't expect to find the perfect mate when you are tore up from the floor up.


Rich, I had this convo with someone on their blog. Then when I read #10 on your list, I thought about the 80/20 rule, you get about 80% of what you want in someone else. Then I thought about how what you want in a person does not have to be the same thing you are. What about the differences. What about complementing each other.

So yeah my mind is spinning and I think damn we are works in progress and that when will we ever be right for the right person at the right time. If ya feel me. Then I think well most relationships teach and help shape so where is the line between still needing work to for a relationship and being ready for a relationship. If you can understand my question.

Femigog said...

And just like that you hit the nail on the head!
I have guilty of some of these behaviors myself! Excellent list but dang Rich! Did you have to just put it out there on us like that? LOL! Ouch on a few of these brother! hahahaha

Ticia said...

Hey Rich...

#19 is my biggest problem......
I am always second guessing myself... I blame it on video vixens.... LOL

Mega Rich said...

@ ticia -- most sisters don't look like video vixens, so don't compare yourself to the few when you are moving the crowd.

@shai – it doesn’t have to be the same thing just fall in the general category. I’ll speak from a guy’s perspective. A guy shouldn’t expect to attract a “fly” sista who makes all the heads turn if he – never keeps his haircut, dresses like he shops off the rack at walmart, hasn’t read anything other than the Sunday comics or sports page, cusses every other word or his favorite phrase is “know what I mean”. We attract what we give off. A lot of us are shopping out of our league at times. Not to say anyone is better than the next person, but some things are just painfully obvious. So that is what I mean by --

10. Be the person you are looking for. Don't expect to find the perfect mate when you are tore up from the floor up.

While I’m at it, I just thought of something else. It doesn't have to do with frontin', but it's a good addition to the list.

21. Good Hygiene is NOT optional. – Get yo’ teeth cleaned at least once in your life – and try brushing your white azz tongue - yuck, use deodorant – maybe even cologne and by all means wash yo’ dirty behind. Oh, and wearing a bush (afro) under your arm is not attractive at all. And never – ever, ever – wear open air shoes (toes or heels) if your feet are crusty.

That is my public service announcement for the day.

Shai said...

OKI got ya. :)

Do you get where I was going? I hear about improving yourself for your future mate but aren't relationships where you learn even more about ourselves and improve?

I don't know if I am being clear. I wrestle with am I good enough. I guess that is the real question when do you get to being good enough to attract the mate meant for you. I beat myself thinking if I do this then he will come or if I do that he will come. You feel me.

Actually, I did not want a relationship and wanted to be single. Now I am warming up to relationships again. I just wonder about things. Ya know.

Mega Rich said...

@shai - sounds like you are your own worst enemy. Maybe I'm arrogant, but I've never thought I wasn't good enough. I have had moments of doubt when I was just coming into being a professional if I had the financial wherewithal to support a woman of a certain magnitude, but barring money, I've never doubted for a minute that I was "the man." You have to have that attitude about yourself (and be able to back it up) that you are a helluva catch.

The other thing I noticed is that you said you didn't want a relationship. People can pick up on that. Brothers can check out a chick from across the room and feel that vibe that she doesn't want to be bothered. It's the energy you are putting out there that is keeping men at bay. People are looking for "life" in other folks, so share the life that is resident in you. Be open to having a good time.

The Dr. is now "OUT" -- holla.

Shai said...

Oh, I have the attitude of fun. LOL. I am usually the one cracking jokes talking shit. SMH. At work, I can be a humdinger. Hell, I was at a Chrisette Michelle event and dude next me was a nut and I was one too. I did not know his name until after he bought me two drinks. This lady with her mom thought we were a couple. I had fun and did not expect us hooking up.

Whether I have wanted a relationship or not I have wondered if I need to work on something else.


Rich, now you have read my poetry and it is a wide range which is representative of my own moods. So confidence is not the thing. Hell, folks at work think I am too dressy when that is how I like to be jazzy when I can.

I enjoy being around folks and I love my solitude. I am versatile. I laugh almost everyday.


I guess I am not communicating what I mean well. I am working on me(stop by Don's blog if you haven't and see I am working on some things). I just wonder if I am working on the righ things.

I didn't need no Dr. LOL. SMH.

Mega Rich said...

Although I was answering you, I try to keep my comments general, so other people can grab what they need, so get what's yours and leave the rest.

Maybe you don't need anything except to make a decision. In case nobody told ya'll -- we pursue, but you (women) get to decide if we get to stay around a while or not. In the words of Richard Pryor, y'all got the p----.

Don said...

Likewise, Rich.

Secrets said...

WOW that was an eye opener. Good post. You need to write a book!

KimPossible said...

I'm checking for ya. Go to my blog and see my response to your response. LOL! What is your e-mail address? I have an idea I wanted to share with you.

KimPossible

KimPossible said...

I just sent you an e-mail. Duh, all I had to do was click on e-mail and there it was. *smiley emoticon*

Hit me back and let me know what you think.

KimPossible

Sojourner G said...

Wow man. This is straight wisdom and straight real talk. I'm with you.
It's so wearing to hear people have nothing to say but how they want to be held and loved and kissed and catered to and pampered and blah blah blah. Writing it on a blog is accomplishing nothing. Don't get me wrong, your spot is your spot and there's a such thing as the First Ammendment, but dang!
If folk spent more time on self examination and self improvement and less time whinning about their situation, they might quickly find themselves out of that situation and annoying the rest of us about how thrilled and happy they are all the time.

Just a thought...
(Was that insensitive?)

Mega Rich said...

@secrets - check me out in the book with the blog authors

http://bloggersdelightbook.blogspot.com

@kim possible - I got you. I'm coming.

@sojourner - it wasn't insensitive to me.

LadyShay said...

you're so insensitive you made me cry!! JK:)

Preposterous Ponderings said...

Very well said my dear man!

Lance said...

"20. Desperation is a turn off."
- Rich

not if the bitch got munny! ;-$

who you kiddin'?????

Mizrepresent said...

Since i don't see myself in none of your scenarios, i'm just gonna say...people do you, and be happy doing you...life is too short to worry about what others think about you...you have all you need, right at your disposal. So, doing my SWAY...tilting left and then right...btw that's a GARY thing, stepping out...ATL down, with the big A, i'm doing ME, MIZ! And i don't care who gets it! lol!

Minerva Exertion said...

Late to post Rich. First time poster. Howdy!

That's why I like writing about my checkered past. It show how far I've come. I know I have fallen into one of these traits once or a few times before.

Good Post!

The Master (De)bater said...

SPEAK! Thank you for saying what you know, black! You've inspired some thoughts that I need to share! See you at my blog!

Philly's Andrea said...

This was a good one, I'll admit.


~A~

KimPossible said...

Hey Blog buddy HAPPY FRIDAY!

Can we do our thingy next Friday?

KimPossible

KimPossible said...

Hey Rich,

I tagged you on my blog. Go check out my last post. Get ta writing. LOL!

KimPossible