There is no manual on manhood (at least not yet) but most dudes think they have what it takes just because they reach a certain age. Some think that if they can rock a woman between the legs, they are "the man". Some think it's about the money, cars, and flash, but what do you think? You, meaning, the ladies. What is it that you look for in a man. What is about a male child that makes you realize he has come of age and has reached manhood. We know you can spot when a guy is not a man, so tell me ladies, what makes a man, a man, in your opinion? Dig deep, give me the surface, but I want your subterranean features as well.
Oh, and don't give me any of that, "a real man wouldn't have to ask" stuff, because I'm all about evoking thought.
17 comments:
For me, a real man is responsible and acountable for his actions. He has respect for others and has manners.
Those are some basics for me simple and to the point. I will stop here. I am interested in what others have to say.
Rich, would you post what you think a real man is?
I sure will. I just thought I'd wait until you ladies had a chance. The whole idea for this post evolved out of an interaction with my 20 year old Nephew, but we'll talk about that later.
It's hard to put into words. You know one when you see one. It's about a level of maturity, character and actions.
omg this post is so right on time. i was having a conversation with my 20 year old brother who has been acting verrrry immature as of late but insists on calling himself 'a grown man'.
to me a man is someone who takes responsibility for his actions. someone who recognizes the difference between 'being' grown and 'acting' grown. someone who isn't afraid to show that he is not a one-dimensional, gotta be 'hard' persona all the time. that he is a human being. he is strong enough to show weaknesses. he respects his mother. he knows how to speak without a curse on his tongue every five minutes. he is educated. he is just as stimulated by a woman's mind as he is her body. he is honest, even when uncomfortable. he can carry himself well in any crowd...whether it be his homies or my father and his golfing buddies. he is morally intact. he doesn't measure his manhood by the number of women he has bedded. and most of all he knows what he is and doesn't let anyone compromise that.
but that is just my opinion.
A man is someone who can stimulate my mind and stimulate my body to finite levels equally. Someone who is ambitious and has realistic goals in life. Someone who realizes that he can do better than his present state and doesnt settle. A man is someone that doesnt cry but can cry. A man is someone who doesnt lie, because a man can respectfully handle the decisions he chooses to make in life and therefore doesnt need to lie. A man is someone who can admit when he is wrong and approaches you about it first before you have a chance to call him out on it. Thats all I got right now... but I agree with all of MUZE's points as well.
A man is a lot of things...
But I will get specific..
The man is a leader...
He is the priest of his home--
He guides
Protects
An overseer
He is the hunter--
Its not a lot of MEN out here nowadays like my grandfather or father... they protected women.. not openly violating them..degrading them--
Nowadays men measure themselves by the notches on there d8ck and its sickening.... that is not a man--
All it takes is for the men to stand up set the standard, start giving the respect that is needed (its may not be due to all, but its needed, for us to rise) and women will follow--
@gecko girl - you can put it into words - squeeze it out.
@muze - you were on a roll weren't you. But I like the way you think.
@ebonne - I love the line - "A man is someone that doesnt cry but can cry."
@ticia - we posted at the same time, but I got you. You bring up an interesting point about a real man protecting women. I have been guilty of protecting women a time or two, even in the eye of losing my men's club card, but I am finding that some women don't want to be protected, they prefer you stay "out of their business" and then they take their lumps accordingly, but that is another post altogether.
Rich, there is nothing wrong with a man protecting a woman. I just depends on the situation. Some dragons a woman must deal with on her own.
I think some men need to flexible and adjust and adapt the differences in what they think a woman needs and what the woman they are dealing with needs. I understand some men have fragile egos. But brothaman don't get your butt on your back cause you went left and she needed you to go right.
I was just reading a couple of books lately on women and relationships and the common thread was for women not to take everything a man does personally all the time, some things are just in his nature and has nothing to do with the woman. I think it goes both ways.
Some women need support before, during and after they get their lumps. What's wrong with that? Sometimes we need protection, a hug, an ear to listen and so forth.
Excellent points Shai -- good insight.
Hey Mega--
What I also mean by the protecting.. is protecting our essence...
For instance.. the revolution of video hoes... THE MEN....they needed to protect our bodies...our worth..... they opened the door to us...and we followed---
Women follow men..that is the way it is supposed to be (bibically speaking)--
We, well, I do want to follow a good man... he should be leading...ya know--
Okay..let me stop!
I agree with ya Ticia on the protecting our essence. That was on my mind while reading Rich's post.
I can't help but look back on my father and grandfathers as real men. They loved their women, took care of their children. Respected and never degraded their spouse. Never gave up. Treated their woman like the queen she was. Strong, but tender. These men, along with my uncles sat the groundwork for me, they were the men i knew growing up, and i look for these attributes in the men that i choose to date, or marry. Kudo's to the other ladies...i'm really digging what everyone is saying.
Just for you, Rich, I'll try to squeeze something out :-) When I think of a real man, I think of my dad and hubby. Coincidentally or not, they're a lot alike.
A real man takes care of home (financially and otherwise) and sees it as his duty/honor, not a burden. He puts family first. He is self-LESS. He is the spiritual and earthly head of his home. He knows that being the head doesn't necessarily mean always being right.
He's a nurturer as well as a protector. He takes pride in taking care of his responsibilities and handling his business. He knows how to show love and knows that doing so doesn't make him any less of a man. He has the wisdom to know when to lay low and when to lay down the law. He leads by example. He's unafraid to stand for what's right, regardless of whether or not it's "cool".
The question I have is this, though - Most women have their own ideas of what a "real man" or a "good man" is. And most of those same women talk about how they want a real man/good man. But are they real women/good women?
Great POINTS! I didn't read ALL the comments thoroughly - but wonder if anyone brought up the point that we continue to experience post-slavery-traumatic-disorder as a people? The reason I bring that up is because it affects the fact that our men were BEAT DOWN & killed for STANDING Strong...some of us don't really even know what real men & women ARE because we've had it literally beaten out of us - though we TRY to recover and piece together our ideas of the concepts... not an easy question AT ALL.
A man is so many things...responsible, inspiring, knows when to put his childish ways aside, knows it is ok to show his sensitive side, knows how to let a woman be a woman, knows how to support his woman and let her support him, has an open mind and heart ect...Thats a complicated recipe. It depends on the person.
Just my opinion.
I am just seeing this post. But, I am glad that i can finally weigh in.
I think before I met my husband. My grandmother used to always tell me to be a woman of substance and a woman who knew exactly where she wanted to go in life. She always told me to get my own footing first. So, my qualifications for a man was the following:
1. He had to love God.
2.He had to be going in the same vicinity as me in life. I couldn't be going one way and he was going another. I had to know his goals, dreams, plans, etc.
. His dreams, goals, plans, etc. had to be BIGGER than mine. Because this said to me that he would be able to carry my dreams and his.
I think a lot of times single women tend to put themselves on hold for men because we aren't sure of ourselves and because were are insecure about our lives and our future. However, my spill to single women is always, if you want to go to Paris, GO! Most single women say that is something I wanted to wait to do until I get married? HUH? No ma'am! Do you and I promise you he will come. (This is another post, but I had to add this)
But, yes, I observed my husband to see if he met the qualifications of loving God, to see if he was going in the same vicinity as me in life, and to see if he had vision and dreams big enough to carry him and me.
His relationship with God was important to me because I am consumed with God. I honestly don't know where I would be without God's guidance, help, chastisement, and unconditional love. So, when I saw that my husband had a prayer life and he loved God. That was so attractive to me. That indicated to me that if we were ever to get in a bind financially or if we were to go through in anyway in our marriage. I knew that he would know how to get a prayer through to God because he had a genuine relationship with God.
Great post as always.
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