Sometimes life is the sum total of "One Event". We never fully realize how "One Event" can change the course of our lives forever. Some events propel us forward, some send us spiraling downward, and then some leaves us stuck in that moment where the "One Event" occurred.
I had an occasion to remove yet another layer this past weekend as I realized during a moment of introspection why I approach some things the way I do. I will now share with you now some of my historic "One Event" moments and how they affected me, maybe you will see yourself.
I loved her (girl 1) but she turned her back on my love and gave herself to another man -- So I told myself, I'll get "them" before they get me. Now I find it hard to trust love, even when it's obviously real.
I cried my eyes out and poured out my soul and she (girl 2) she still left -- So I told myself, I'll never cry or beg another woman to stay with me, no matter who she is to me. Now I'm the "poker face" lover. She thinks I can take her or leave her, but I'd be nothing without her.
I trusted and believed that Pastor X had learned his lesson, but after all that has happened he's still the same. -- So I told myself, If I can't trust the man who impacted my spiritual life the most, then what Pastor can I trust. They all twist the word to their benefit, even in the face of wrong. Now, I think I can get along without church even in the face of a constant battle against the enemy.
She asked me to be honest and I was, but now she uses it against me at every turn. So I told myself, you should have known better, next time follow your gut and keep your mouth closed. Now I feel forced to abandon the honesty that is pertinent to building strong relationship.
While it may be true that we can learn from our pasts, we have to be careful not to let those events that we encounter negatively shape our future. We often think we are protecting ourselves from pain, but when we look closely we might see that trying to avoid the pain in the past is what is causing us to now hurt like hell.
Do you have a "One Event" that you need to learn from. One that may be holding you back or maybe you have a good story to share -- an event that took you to the next level. Either way, will you share?
15 comments:
I have an event that took me to the next level.
I used to think that I would never love anyone. I would "play" at loving people because I thought that I should be "with" someone at all costs. even if they werent good for me I would just stay there with them until they decided that I was done holding the place for the person they really wanted. One day a guy literally woke up one morning and just pretended that I didnt exist. I never had someone just act as though I had never even been on the damn planet. He made me utterly invisible. That was the moment. I thought "this is my doing" " I allowed this by staying around people who couldnt even see me unless they needed to use me". I stopped trying to reconnect to him (he was truly not worth the effort) and started seeing the flaws in all my past logic when it came to men and relationships. Today I reject a man with qualities I know are counterproductive to my emotional health. It aint always easy but the pay off has been immeasurable. It was a hell of a lesson but I am so glad I finally learned it.
Like you I have trust issues. As a child, I felt abandoned and neglected by my parents, especially my mom. She was into her and what she wanted without complete concern for me. It has taken time for me to see she is not the mother I needed. Yet, I still get mad at her because she still does things that affect not just her.
I am a single parent and never expected to be one. I trusted I would have the support of my child's father and after 17 years, I have had to bear alot of burdens. Forgiving and forgetting ain't easy. To have to interact with him at rare times sickens me yet I bear through it for her.
I can't really say those are One Event moments. I can say those set of moments has affected me and as I peel layer upon layer off, I do feel better. It is a process that does not magically happen.
My One event.. is one man! LOL--
I wish I would have ran from him....
@femigog -- great lessons usually come with some amount of pain. Glad you saw the light.
@shai -- you are right about that, it does not magically happen, but once you overcome the sting of it, you are ready to feel beautiful again.
@ticia -- hindsight is always 20/20, but you never feel that way in the beginning.
that was deep - well i can say i have told myself many times to or not to do something against my better judgement - some of the same things you mentioned as a matter of fact. then when they blow up i blame myself because its as if my spirit told me not to do or say thus and such. but i did in a sense of "moral" ethic. i think colonel jessup said it best. in some cases people, "can't handle the truth." the bible says only a fool tells his whole heart. where the heck does that fit in when it comes to your closest relationships? i don't know people - but i am trying to learn to listen to the inward voice more for indeed it could be the most genius advisor that i have.
I have an event that opened up my eyes so clearly that I could no longer pretend not to see what was right in front of me. Once my eyes were open wide, I could not look back and after making a life-changing event about five years ago, I have yet to regret it.
@cmac - In all these years, I've never seen that scripture, but you know I'm going to go find it.
@shelia - I sure would like to know what "that" event was. It sounds like a doosey.
Learning is my thing. I'm always trying to improve myself, so you know I went looking for that scripture that Cmac quoted. Here is what I found:
Pr 29:11 - A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.
Commentary:
Verse 11 Note, 1. It is a piece of weakness to be very open: He is a fool who utters all his mind, —who tells every thing he knows, and has in his mouth instantly whatever he has in his thoughts, and can keep no counsel,—who, whatever is started in discourse, quickly shoots his bolt,—who, when he is provoked, will say any thing that comes uppermost, whoever is reflected upon by it,—who, when he is to speak of any business, will say all he thinks, and yet never thinks he says enough, whether choice or refuse, corn or chaff, pertinent or impertinent, you shall have it all. 2. It is a piece of wisdom to be upon the reserve: A wise man will not utter all his mind at once, but will take time for a second thought, or reserve the present thought for a fitter time, when it will be more pertinent and likely to answer his intention; he will not deliver himself in a continued speech, or starched discourse, but with pauses, that he may hear what is to be objected and answer it. Non minus interdum oratorium est tacere quam dicere — True oratory requires an occasional pause. Plin. Ep. 7.6.
Basically, the writer is saying – know when to speak your mind and know when to shut up. It doesn’t discourage honesty, it mainly encourages temperance.
The final word: I've been guilty of being a fool, at least once in my life, in this sense of the word. The wages for that offense seemed quite steep.
classic pic - and i got loot folk
it's ironic that I'm reading this post after having had a major blow out where recalling the "One Event" echoes.
I'll spare the details, but I will say that had I not jumped into a relationship prematurely, ignored my innter conflict/turmoil, and given myself time to heal/grow I wouldn't have said/done the things I did. I'd have told the person EXACTLY what was on my mind and spared us both the drama over the years.
While it may be true that we can learn from our pasts, we have to be careful not to let those events that we encounter negatively shape our future. We often think we are protecting ourselves from pain, but when we look closely we might see that trying to avoid the pain in the past is what is causing us to now hurt like hell.
Damn, you unraveled the pain inside then.
I've had three or four One Events in my life, but the last One Event brought about a much-needed change in me. It took over a year and 1/2 though. But once again, I'm standing.
My one event had nothing to do with love of others. I enrolled in a series of seminars at my church: Managing Money God's Way. Led by Deacon Andrew Morrison. Since then I have understood abundance & my self worth in a whole new way! He was the shepherd used to steer me toward my better self: entrepreneurship, authorship, and just "step-out-on-Faith ship".
While it may be true that we can learn from our pasts, we have to be careful not to let those events that we encounter negatively shape our future.
soooo true
really feeling this post
So many one events have shaped the me that I am that it seems to be a running theme in most of my blog posts. I am very much "The Great Self Examiner" when it comes to ruminating on how what I experience impacts my life, and my blog is pretty much a running testimony to that fact.
However, when I think about the question you pose, I think the "one event" that has most profoundly impacted my life was probably having been born into the particular family into which I was born; being a part of that particular family pretty much informs everything I am AND everything I do.
By the way--great blog you have here!
Man hold up. Good post.
I have quite a few. When my dad decided not to communicate with me.
When those dudesss did me wrong.
When my friends or frat betrayed me....
Thank God I have and am still overcoming! lol
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